david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
