Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
