Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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