I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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