Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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