Porn is love you can see.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
