so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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