i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
