Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
