I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hippo gnu deer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
