I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
