Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
