next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
