moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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