Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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