Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
