I love black thongs
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
