You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
