this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
