I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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