Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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