oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
