She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
