He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
