he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
