you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
