Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
