you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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