I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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