I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
