Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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