have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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