we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
