it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
