Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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