How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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