I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
