I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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