UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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