she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick