Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷