goodnight i made you a song goodbye
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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