3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad