you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"