I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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