i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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