I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
