Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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