Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
