i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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