I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
