Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
