at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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