She is in my trunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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