i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
