Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
