And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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