I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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