Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

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(916): View more from California

and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse

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(941): View more from Florida

I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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(631): View more from New York

"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......

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(949): View more from California

i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..

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(571): View more from Virginia

Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm wearing men's underwear

(425): View more from Washington

I don't know what to do with that information...

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