; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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