just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
