he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
