There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
