I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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