I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
