we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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